Here's What's Missing
Here's a generic update, so I can get to the meat of things: fondled a one-time Playboy model, found out my ex-brother-in-law won the $117 milion lottery jackpot (which caused much Christmas turmoil), and scooped up a steady girlfriend who I not only work with, but who has a kid.

But, really, I want to tell you what I overheard in the cafeteria today. There were two middle-aged asexual wife-types sitting a table away from me, and one was telling the other about her friend, a mother of a teenage boy, who we will call Theresa. She had set up a breakfast date with her son this morning. So one of the wife-types says, "Theresa goes, 'my son blew off our breakfast date to have lunch with his girlfriend!' And then she said, 'Well, it could be worse. He could've dumped me for his BOYfriend!'" And then both wife-types started laughing manically.

Why is that funny? And why is it awful for your son to have a boyfriend? I really don't understand how in this day and age we're still whigged out about that. Shouldn't you be concerned if your son is dating someone who is dishonest, or disease-ridden, or...Jesus, even an annoying stereotype. if I had a son and he was gay and he brought home his boyfriend, and the boyfriend was all flailing limbs and catty pop culture references, I'd be annoyed as Hell that my son was dating a transparent, garden-variety fag. Find a guy with some substance!

Also, it's worth noting that the funniest thing I've heard all year (so far, which isn't saying a lot) was spewed during a New Year's party. I was sitting near two white girls who were setting up a board game. One girl was telling the other how to play the game, which she explained thusly: "YOu have to match two pieces of the same type. Some are short, some are tall, some are light and some are colored." I turn around, face her, and say in a very obviously hammy condescending tone, "Uh, yeah, we don't say 'colored' an y longer. We say African-American." The girl looks at me and says - and I swear to Christthere was nary a trace of iorny - "YOU need to watch the movie Crash. Maybe THAT will help you solve your problem." Verbatim qoute.

Have you seen Crash? It's hands down the worst movie I've seen all year. Iti's hilariously contrived. I love how every character is unabashedly and unashamedly racist, usually for no good reason. I love the idea that Matt Dillon represents all cops in Amercia, who walk around using the n-word when they don't get their way. I love the cliche young, disaffected black character who, despite being a thug, has very clear philosophical views on racism. So everyone's ridiculously racist, and then some of them get hurt. How will that help me change my life? I mean, have you seen Phat Beach? Now there's an anti-racism message.