I continue to be amazed by the bathroom etiquette here at work. As I have stated before, my floor only has two stalls, and the actual toilets are so close together that you could, with very little effort, reach under the stall and grab the leg of the guy next to you. It's not terribly personal.

So I'm in the bathroom just a moment ago, and I'm nearing the end of my process, when a fellow dumper enters the stall next to me. He sits down - without using a liner (although I understand that they don't really do anything to keep you safe from doodoo remnants) - and doesn't make any noise whatsoever. Not that I wanted the guy to make noise, but it's almost worse when stall neighbors turn to stone. So I'm running maintenance, right? And I'm tearing off paper and wiping, and you can hear everything, and no one else is in the bathroom besides us, so there's no ambient noise or socialization covering up my dump clean-up noises.

I get done shitting, flush, pull my pants up, and go to the sink, and the guy still hasn't made a noise, right? But, like, the minute I get to the sink, I hear that emptying-a-mustard-container shitting noise from the guy's stall. He decided to keep all of his wet, explosive doodoo in until I walked five feet away. I could distinctly hear every last bit of human waste throttle out of this guy's butthole.

If this guy was so embarrassed for me to hear him release sloppy joes, why didn't he wait until I had left the bathroom entirely? I seriously fail to understand the bathroom etiquette at my office.